


It's all in the past

by Musetotheworld



Series: Supercat Week 3 [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe- Dreams, Alternate Universe- Soulmates, F/F, Kara arrived on time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 08:05:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10658403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musetotheworld/pseuds/Musetotheworld
Summary: Sometimes you just have that one relationship, that one person, you can never truly let go.





	It's all in the past

Kara sighs as she sits up, shaking off the remnants of yet another dream as her alarm goes off. She really needs to get over this. She can’t even get drunk enough to sleep without dreams, and Earth medication does nothing for her. Which means her dreams are constantly full of the one thing she’d rather forget.

A youthful mistake (and oh how it hurts her to call it a mistake even know) that she just can’t let go of. Something that had meant more than it should, to the point that it still haunts her dreams. Literally, unfortunately. 

It had been a high school crush turned relationship, nothing more. They’d spent a few years falling into each other, spending the evenings staring up at the stars as Clark slept next to them, each escaping the burden of their responsibilities for a few hours at a time. 

That’s all it was meant to be, but somewhere along the way it had turned to more. At least for her, though Kara can’t speak for Cat. Cat had always been the one who insisted it could never last, that she couldn’t be openly gay, now or ever. That it would never work out long term, but they could still have a few nights now.

At first Kara had agreed, because she could be almost completely herself with Cat. She didn’t have to pretend to be strong, or that she wasn’t struggling trying to keep herself and Clark afloat. She could break, because Cat could break with her as well. They could be two flawed people, each hurting, each there to comfort the other.

And then Cat had gone away to college, and Kara had been left behind. She took a few courses here and there while working to support Clark, but she hadn’t been able to go away, to see the world the way Cat could. She could fly, but Cat was the one who soared.

And here she was, years later, still dreaming of the woman. At first, the dreams had been sporadic, almost comforting despite the lingering pain they reminded Kara of. At least in her dreams they could still be happy, even if they couldn’t be together anywhere else.

It helped that dream Cat was always so very real, so very much like the woman Kara remembered. When Kara felt most alone, that’s when the dreams would come. She’d wake with Cat’s stern comfort ringing in her ears, and they’d give her strength to face the day.

But lately the dreams have been less comforting. Oh, she still enjoys them, still enjoys remembering Cat and their times together. She’s never regretted what they’d shared.

But she’s also never found anything like it, even with Clark already nearing graduation. She’s poured so much of her life into taking care of him, into making sure he was safe, that she hasn’t had time to look, even if she’d had the inclination. And as enjoyable as her dreams are, they serve as a reminder that she’d once had something more, and might never have it again.

Last night, for example, had been one of the increasingly common times where dream talking turned to dream more, and Kara still doesn’t know how to process that. She’d been embarrassed the first time it happened, unable to meet Clark’s eyes the next day for fear he’d somehow see. She still is, to an extent, but she’s gotten better at hiding it.

With one last long sigh Kara climbs out of bed and starts her day, sending Clark on his way with a smile that’s only slightly forced. She wishes the dreams weren’t somehow more restful than any normal night, that she had some excuse for the sense of exhaustion that clings to her. Physically she’s in peak condition, kept healthy by sole virtue of her heritage and the light of the yellow sun, but the emotional drain of the dreams is getting to her.

She’s dreamed of Cat every night for a week now, spent hours talking to her about everything that’s going on in her life. And dream Cat had always known exactly what to say, even when Kara’s conscious mind had no idea what to do. That’s always been the case, every time they talk Kara is surprised at how real the dreams feel, from Cat’s advice to the sensation of skin against skin when the dreams turn to something different.

But she doesn’t have time to dwell on it now, she has errands to run before her shift starts in a few hours. Maybe tonight she’ll try to talk with her dream Cat about what the dreams mean, see if somewhere in the depths of her mind lie the answers.

It’s as she’s rushing down a busy street trying to find the one shop in town that carries Clark’s favorite candy that Kara sees her. And though the woman in front of her is the exact same as the woman she’s been picturing in her dreams, the sight of Cat actually there drives the breath from Kara’s lungs.

“Cat,” she whispers, so quietly that there should be no way anyone could hear her on this busy street. But Cat has always seemed to hear her, and looks up at the faint sound with her own look of surprise.

“Kara.”

At the sound of her voice, Kara can’t stay away, can’t do anything but close the distance between them with a soft smile. This is so much better and worse than her dreams already. Better, because this is really Cat, close enough to touch and speak to, real and true in front of her. 

But worse, because Kara has spent years dreaming of her, longing after her. Has remembered their times together many  times, and dreamt of more that could never happen. She’s loved this woman even with the distance between them, even though she’d known from the beginning nothing could come of it. And now that they’re face to face, that love seems stronger than ever.

She’d thought it would be the opposite, that if she were ever face to face with Cat again, that the lingering feelings for the other woman would be revealed as shallow and incomplete, the shadow of a long ago tryst. But instead Kara has to remind herself to breathe, to consciously think through each motion she makes in a way she hasn’t since she first began learning to control her powers.

“It’s been a while,” Kara says when she’s close enough that they can talk comfortably, trying to disguise the way her eyes drink in the sight of Cat without her permission. “You look great, Cat.”

“And you haven’t aged a day. Clearly the universe favors you,” Cat says, familiar bite in her voice. It doesn’t even come close to covering the affection and feeling beneath it, Kara can still see through Cat’s deflections as easily as she can see through the walls around her. “I didn’t know you were back in National City.”

“Oh, I never left,” Kara admits sheepishly, remembering their long talks as teenagers about how she wanted to see the world.

“Do you have an hour?” Cat asks, glancing down at her phone with a calculating look. “I really can’t take more than that, but if you do then we can talk. Catch up. You can tell me how Clark’s doing.”

The years haven’t improved Kara’s ability to say no to Cat, and before long they’re settled in a small coffee shop, tucked in a corner away from the rest of the patrons. Cat’s too well known to risk her privacy, too canny to allow someone to overhear her conversations.

At first their conversations are a little stilted and uncomfortable, and Kara briefly wishes this were just another dream. There’s never any problems in her dreams, never any holding back or awkwardness of two people meeting after not speaking for years.

But once she starts talking about how much Clark has grown, things ease between them. Cat had always had a soft spot for him, no matter what troubles he’d gotten up to. So hearing how well he was doing in school was obviously something special to her, and of course Kara loved any chance to brag about the closest thing she had to a child.

They avoid discussing their personal lives beyond those mentions of Clark, but before long they’re sharing their professional exploits and accomplishments, though of course Cat has far more than Kara can claim to her name.

“And honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if Derek was planning a coup. He’s nowhere near ready to run a company like mine, but he’s an idiot and ambitious. I’ve been keeping an eye on him to be sure he doesn’t surprise me,” Cat complains after they’ve been talking a while.

“Just do what you did when Kevin tried the same thing, “ Kara says without thinking. “Give him an opportunity that seems perfect if that’s what he’s trying, but one that’s doomed to fail. If he’s an idiot he won’t see the similarities and the setup, and if he’s honest he won’t see the ‘mistake’ you’re making, or he’ll point it out to you.”

“How did you know about Kevin?” Cat asks sharply, and Kara falls silent in horror as she remembers that conversation had been a dream. “That was kept entirely out of the papers, there’s no way you could have known.”

“Unless they aren’t just dreams,” Kara says softly, not surprised when Cat pales at the words. 

“They have to be, there’s no way they’re anything else,” Cat says, voice shaking as the realization sinks in for them both, denial an automatic reaction.

“Then explain it!” Kara says, barely remembering to keep her voice down and avoid attracting attention. “There’s no way I could have known that, and you didn’t seem surprised to hear about how Clark was doing. I thought it was just because you’d always believed in him, but it was more than that, wasn’t it?”

“There’s no way,” Cat denies again, and Kara wishes she could keep believing that.

It’s as she searches for anything she can say to convince Cat that a vague memory of an old myth surfaces in her mind, and for the first time in years Kara feels like letting out a few good Kryptonian curses. If they wouldn’t attract more attention than either of them wants, she very well might.

“I think I know what’s going on,” she says slowly. “You’re not going to like it, and I can’t tell you here, but I think I know.”

“This had better be good, Kara. I am not checking into a mental institution because of you, I am entirely too busy and my dry cleaner doesn’t deliver,” Cat says as she stands abruptly, gesturing towards the door. “My penthouse is a block away, I’ll cancel the rest of my day.”

“I only have another two hours until my shift,” Kara protests vaguely, only because she feels she has to. She can’t really afford to take the day off, but she also knows she won’t be able to concentrate until they get to the bottom of this.

“I’ll call them too, that boss of yours will cave with one firm look,” Cat says, not noticing that she’s added another layer to the insider knowledge until Kara stops, remembering how the last conversation about her work had turned into something decidedly less verbal. And from the flush on Cat’s cheeks after that silence, she’s remembering too.

The rest of the walk is spent in silence, and Kara tries to use the time to figure out how she’s going to explain this to Cat. She can barely remember the old stories, barely believe that they could apply here. How can she explain an entire world, an entire culture, to someone who doesn’t even know she’s an alien?

But she’s going to have to find a way, somehow. She can’t avoid it, not if this means what she thinks it does. Kara wishes she had enough time to travel to the small cave where she’d stashed her pod and Kal-El’s, but she doesn’t. She can’t even wait until tonight, when they meet in their dreams. She has at most another two minutes, just long enough to get up to Cat’s penthouse.

The elevator ride is somehow more awkward, the confined space doing nothing to ease the discomfort or silence. It highlights the tension between them, the quiet broken only by the gentle groaning of the machinery around them. And once Kara has faced down that ride, suddenly explaining to Cat seems far easier. If she can make it twenty floors through that, she can do anything, surely.

“We’re in private, explain,” Cat says as she crosses the room to her bar, and Kara frowns as she wonders if she can get away with directing Cat away from the alcohol the way she has so many times in their dreams. Deciding to pick her battles, she figures that can come another time.

“My people had an old story, what we all thought was just a myth, about sharing dreams,” Kara says, feeling the familiar ache in her chest at the mention of Krypton. She’s told Clark the stories of their home since he was old enough to understand the need for secrecy, but it hasn’t gotten any easier. “It was said that two halves of one being could share dreams. The closest concept here on Earth would be that of soulmates.”

“Here on Earth?” Cat says, setting the glass of bourbon down without taking a drink, eyes never leaving Kara’s. And how they’ve talked in her dreams for years without Kara ever needing to talk about Krypton, without sharing this part of herself, she’ll never know. She’s given so much else to Cat, shared everything so freely because she thought it was just her own mind, but that had never been one of them.

“I’m not from here,” Kara says with a sheepish grin, no amusement in the look. “I’m actually from very, very far away.”

“You’re an alien,” Cat says in shock, picking up her glass and throwing back the entire contents in one gulp. “You’re an alien and apparently soulmates are real. This can’t be happening.”

“I’m sorry,” Kara apologizes, hurt at the reaction. She knows it’s a lot, but after years of loving Cat, this isn’t exactly making her feel better about the situation. “I didn’t know it was possible, and I don’t know how to stop it.”

“After fifteen years, you think I want to stop?” Cat asks in disbelief, and Kara shrugs. What else would she expect? “After all I’ve shared with you, after all we’ve been through in life and apparently in dreams, how could you think I’d let you walk out that door, even if you could? Apparently we’d still be in each other’s heads, and I’m not about to settle for stilted and awkward conversations in my dreams. I get quite enough of those every day at work.”

“Well, it is a lot to take in,” Kara points out, still worried about the fact that Cat is taking this relatively calmly, bourbon aside. “I wouldn’t blame you for being angry at me.”

“And what would I be angry at, exactly?” Cat points out, crossing to Kara’s side. “For giving me some of the most honest encouragement I’ve ever received? For understanding more of who I am than anyone else I’ve ever met?”

“For trapping you in something you never asked for?” Kara interrupts, only to be silenced by Cat’s glare.

“If we’d found out about this while I was in college, I would have been angry,” Cat admits once she’s sure Kara isn’t going to interrupt again. “I’m still overwhelmed by it all. But we’ve spent fifteen years learning almost everything there is to know about each other, and I don’t know about you, but somewhere along the way I fell in love. And it will take a lot more than a major revelation like this to make me give that up.”

“You mean that?” Kara asks, still expecting to be thrown out at any moment.

“Well, I’m sure that once this all sinks in I’ll drain a few bottles of the good stuff, but yes, I mean that,” Cat says, not even bothering to shrug in her usual attempt at deflection.

“I love you,” Kara says, unable to hold the words back when Cat is looking at her like that, unable to wait until a better time. There is no better time than this.

“I love you too,” Cat says with a soft smile of her own, and for the first time in years their lips meet outside of their dreams.

And if there was any doubts left in Kara’s mind that those dreams hadn’t been real, this would be enough to silence them forever. Because she knows this dance, she knows this embrace. She knows this warmth, and this feeling of home.

This is where she’s meant to be, maybe where’s she’s always been meant to be.

And it’s the only place she ever wants to be again.


End file.
